Queen Menopause. Finding your majesty in the mayhem.
By Alison Daddo
Allen and Unwin, 3 May 2022
A friendly, frank, compassionate and comprehensive companion for any woman experiencing menopause, or anyone wondering what to expect.
Remember Dolly? Then you may recognise Alison Daddo who was a regular covergirl and married Cameron Daddo before heading off to live in the US until recently.
Ali has shared her menopausal experience in a personal and compassionate tome for others to share. She speaks of her challenges – the mood swings and irritability; how her sense of femininity has been threatened by the end of child bearing; how she needed to develop a new sense of what “beauty” meant.
“I know I’m feeling older than ever, my body shaping itself into an actual potato. And still I try to: Eat less! Exercise more! Ugh.
What if this potato shape is permanent? What if this is my final resting body shape?
Can I love this shape just as it is? How can we accept our bodies exactly as they are, in all their different and ever-changing forms? How do I love my body when I hold the comparison to my 21-year-old self?”
Perhaps most generous are her journal entries and her revelation of how menopause has impacted the relationship with husband, Cameron. The effect on sexuality, desire, intimacy, closeness and what these changes have meant for him as well as her and the stability of their marriage.
“One day, while conversing with a friend, she mentioned how her girlfriend was in perimenopause and how challenging it was for her. How their sex life had dwindled down to nothing and her girlfriend didn’t even want to cuddle anymore. She said her girlfriend was too hot, prickly and angry a lot of the time. My friend was devastated. She felt pushed away, and she was so concerned that their relationship had irrevocably changed for the worse.
Now I know what I’m about to write seems a tad unfair, but I heard that commentary as clear as day because it was a woman speaking about her girlfriend. Had a man been complaining about his wife and the lack of intimacy and sex, I would have risen with my feminist language in full tilt and said, ‘How dare you, Sir. You have no idea what she’s going through.’ But when I heard this woman, I heard her pain and the loss that she was feeling. It clicked for me and I understood that our partners are struggling, too. For this I apologise to the men out there who are scratching their heads (and possibly their balls) at the sudden lack of sex and for not understanding that you, too, are in menopause with us.”
Ali shares her personal approach to managing menopausal symptoms but this is first and foremost a biography and not a medical text. We suggest you read this book for the personal insights, to inspire courage in addressing intimacy and view the medical advice lightly.
